9 adar 5770:
Her unseen face constantly haunting me,
Ever evading the corners of my dreams,
Those I’ve met whom I doubted to be her,
Whom had potentials of her strength,
Have only served for my self -destructive self.
To see her face, to hold her close,
This reminds me of her maker,
Reminds me why I’m here.
Reminds me who put her face in my imagination.
These words I scribble now,
Are only a further distraction,
To the truth i should be seeking.
The truth I should be revealing.
The light & life I, as a chayal,
Should be bringing to this dark corner,
Of cold cellar stone.
My head, frozen in a solid wall,
Unable to “compute”,
to process the simplest of emotions.
To be able to find the drive to move,
To fight,
To want to breathe.
My will not to be angry is so strong, my body translates & transforms that fire into water & stone.
The expression: “’would’ve been better had man not been created, but now that he has….”
Was coined for me.
Am I so selfish/ foolish to think that a maamer chazal was formed for me? Yes. But I must correct this foolish notion none the less.
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